The Racket Rum Club bestowed honorary membership upon the Rt Hon Steven Joyce at a well-attended meeting in central Auckland last night.
70 members seated comfortably around the perimeter of Joyce's sunhat voted unanimously to admit Joyce, based on his services to provincial radio and plagiarism.
During the meeting, Joyce was hit with a finger vibrator, a ball gag and several ben wah balls, but police and physicists are in disagreement as to whether the items were intentionally thrown or simply drawn to Joyce by the gravitational pull of his head.
Joyce responded to the announcement of his membership by interrupting it halfway through, belittling the practice of honorary memberships, blaming the situation on the Norm Kirk government and immediately u-turning and accepting the honour based on focus group testing.
A Rum Club member who is one of a select group of people to have seen both sides of Joyce's head during their lifetime described Joyce as "extensive", while Rum Club members who frequently misuse adjectives when pressed for quotes described Joyce as "affable", "debonair" and "honest".
Racket Rum Club Member #13